Phoebus

D Vautier
11/2003

       Give me men around me who are fat.
      Yon Cassius has a lean and hungry look.
      He thinks too much.  Such men  are dangerous.

                             J C, Shakespeare

My son's dog is Phoebus.  He is of mild and gentle disposition, a sweet and certainly very amiable dog, that is, as long as there is plenty of food around.  Unlike most vizlas, his coat is soft and very smooth to the touch.

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Phoebus is known variously as "counterspy" or "the thief of bagdog" because of his tendency to constantly patrol the kitchen counters in search of any kind of goodie that was accidentally left out.  Pizzas, loaves of bread, packs of sandwich meet, ham, sausage--all quickly become prey to his agile and skilful abilities.  When the dog comes back from a run or a ride in the car his first action is to check out the kitchen counters.

Phoebus is a large dog--in fact he is a very large dog.  He is almost as big as my roto-tiller, weighing in at more than twice the weight of a standard vizsla (45 lbs).

I'm not too sure what happened to him or what kind of mutt blood got mixed in because he seems to carry his weight well.  How large is Phoebus exactly.  Our family has often speculated about this.  Val came up with some comparisons...

Phoebus is so fat that when he goes for a swim the whales start singing "We are Family."

Phoebus is so fat that when he jumps into the air he gets stuck

Phoebus is so fat that when he backs up he goes BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.

Phoebus is so fat that he got baptized at Sea World.

Phoebus is so fat that he got stopped for no tail lights.

Phoebus is so fat that it takes him two trips to haul ass. 

Phoebus is so fat that when he lays down there is a noticeable increase in the rotation of the earth.