Stinky

D Vautier
11/2000

Get away form me you damn dirty Basset

    From "Planet of the Bassets" (1962).

Of all the oxymoron's in the world “good-smelling basset” is probably the best.  But unthinkable things do happen and on rare occasions Cynthia graciously volunteers to administer to the basset her bath (like it’s an exercise in consummate futility—after all, give the animal two days and she’s right back to her stinky ways again).

So after her bath the confused basset hound wanders around all day with this serious and deep identity crisis, both because of her strange lack of odor and also because I can’t visit upon her the usual daily epithets, like “Get out of here you damn dirty dog!” or “Out of my nasal range you smelly stinky animal.” Or “Please, please move downwind, you obnoxious little thing.”  Instead the basset smells pretty good, but she can’t wait to go out in the backyard and roll around in a few goodies.  “Ahh, that’s better.” She will say to herself.