Fun, Travel, Adventure

(Fuck the Army)

D Vautier
11/2006

A TV commercial first aired in the early 60's that extolled the virtues of military life.  It featured a theme fun, travel and adventure as being the very bulwark of service in the United States Army.  Of course when one was actually placed in the environment such expectations quickly dissipated.  Not only was service in the U. S. Army not very much fun, but there was little travel, except where you were ordered to go, and that was usually no fun at all.  As for the adventure part, I have to say that my three years in service to my country was not altogether without its thrills and spine-tingling episodes of adventure, and even quite memorable ones, but I would immediately suggest that it was not the kind of adventure that we consider desirable or reasonable or safe, or in any way pleasurable.

So the term FTA was developed to reflect a general mood among  men serving in the armed forces around that time, many against their will or choice.  FTA universally meant “Fuck the Army” and was in no way subject to any other conceivable interpretation--as I was to find out.

I was assigned DRO (dining room orderly) while in AIT (advanced individual training) while in school at Fort Sill.  The DRO job was keeping the tables lined up, chairs in order, dishes inspected, floors and tables clean, menu updated, and to act as a general supervisor at mess.  All this was easy and simple work.  I remember it was a lazy cold Sunday in February and I thought I could liven things up a bit so I put FTA in the lower right-hand corner of the menu board.

Laughs and snickers greeted me as the guys lined up for mess.  Then my heart sank, because the second lieutenant who was CQ (charge of quarters) for the weekend came to lunch, something that he almost never did.  He had a reputation of going by the book, as most second lieutenants were.  I got written up.  My ass was grass and I knew it.

Monday came and I heard those terrifying words “Vautier, the Captain wants to see you in his office” and I knew I was in for it, so when I got called on the mat, normally the best recourse are those three magic words “No excuse sir” and nothing else, but when the captain asked for an explanation, I launched into a long well rehearsed speech.  I talked about the need for morale, and my views about a true citizen army maintaining it’s sense of humor and perspective.  I talked about the respect I certainly did have for my country and its military.  My action, foolish as it may have seemed,  was just a simple desire to preserve a healthy morale and at the same time retain a sense of humor, even though it may seem offensive to some (yadda, yadda, yadda).  I talked about honor, and the difficulties of a peacetime army, along with the boredom and monotony that can accompany it and what we try to do to maintain a healthy attitude toward our jobs, while keeping in sight our ultimate mission, the defense of country and liberty.